The Rehab Tour: Finding Myself in Five Different Worlds

Admitting you are a drug addict and need help is never an easy thing to do. I was in denial for a very long time. It took the addiction taking over every single aspect of my life to make me realize that I had a problem.

After you admit to yourself that you have a substance abuse problem and realize that you need help, your next step is figuring out which level of care you need. Some people try medicated assistance treatment (MAT) first, some go to detox, some go to therapy or a psychiatrist, some go to detox then an inpatient treatment center, some go straight to inpatient, and some go to Intensive Outpatient (IOP).

The first time I decided to go to treatment, I was already in a medicated assistance program, so I spoke to my counselor and she helped get me into my first treatment facility. Looking back, that was the first time I let a professional help guide me back to health.

The Industry of Hope

In my 15+ years of working in the marketing industry, I’ve seen how different organizations run. But nothing prepared me for the "organizational cultures" of the Connecticut rehab circuit. From the shoreline to the city, I’ve lived through five distinct environments. Each one taught me something different about survival, and eventually, about recovery.

1. APT Foundation: The "Mommy and Me" Apartment (end of 2017)

My first stay was when my daughter was only 18 months old. I’ll be real: it made me feel like shit. I kept thinking, "What kind of mother brings her child to rehab?" But the whole point of the program was to teach you how to handle motherhood while dealing with substance abuse and mental health.

• The Experience: It was like a mini-apartment. While I was in groups, my daughter was in daycare there.

• The Memory: I actually taught my daughter how to walk in that building. She spent days practicing, pushing her little elephant walk behind toy up and down the hallway, determined to get her balance. And right there, while we were in the program, she took her very first steps completely on her own.

• The Lesson: Motherhood is a transformative journey. It’s a whole new role that can be overwhelming. It’s okay to feel lost, but you have to find your way for both you and your child.

  
  

2. New Prospects (Bridgeport): The 28-Day Lockdown (Spring of 2022)

This was a 28-day treatment center. The women were on one floor and the men were on another; we weren’t even allowed to say "Hi" to them, which was bizarre seeing how we are grown adults, but it kept the focus where it needed to be.

• The Experience: We had 14 beds and a common room where we had all our groups and watched TV to unwind.

• The Lesson: This place taught me how strong women really are. I met women who had been through things much worse than me, which made me realize a lot about my situation at the time and feel better.

  
  

3. & 4. Stonington Institute: The "School" and the Scenes (Beginning of 2023 and the end of 2023)

I went here twice. It’s a co-ed facility where you live in "dorms" of 12 women. From 9:00 AM to 3:00 PM, you go to "school" in another building, switching classes and following a schedule just like high school.

• The First Time: I was sober for 10 months after this, but eventually relapsed.

• The Second Time: Probation made me go back. I ended up with the best room of women, including a friend I am still close with today.

• The Lesson: Don’t let men interrupt your recovery because they will try to. If you are single, spend that time alone. You can’t be with someone else if you don’t even know who you are or how to love yourself.

  
  

5. CVH (Middletown): The Final Stand (The End of 2024)

On November 12, 2024 just two days before a scheduled court appearance, I made the definitive choice to seek help at Rushford Detox in Middletown. When I arrived I was told that they had no beds until the next day. I knew 'tomorrow' was a risk I couldn't to take. Refusing to give up, I searched for the nearest alternative and found CVH. Even though they initially had no space, I literally pleaded for a spot because I needed treatment that day. For the first time, I didn't take 'no' for an answer. My persistence paid off, and they found a way to let me in. That day, my determination to change finally outweighed the obstacles in my path.

• The Experience: This was the highest level of care. Because I have a co-occurring disorder, they treated both my mental health and my substance abuse.

• The Lesson: This place taught me how strong and resilient I am. It changed my entire point of view on life. It motivated me to want to be better and do better so I did.

It’s Not the Building, It’s the Break

Looking back at these five programs is like reviewing a resume of my hardest years. From the 'Mommy and Me' program to the chaos of Stonington, I eventually reached a hard won realization by the time I hit Middletown no facility could 'fix' me. They provide the toolkit; the coping mechanisms, the structure, and the support but those tools only work if you have the will to pick them up. A program can help you pour a solid foundation, but you are the architect who has to do the heavy lifting of building a life on top of it. The actual work of reconstruction belongs to you entirely.

The Takeaway: Lessons from the Road

If you take anything from this article, please take this: If you do not start your treatment at the highest level of care available, you may end up going to rehab several times like I did.

Starting with a high level of care is something I wish I had done from the beginning. I’m not dwelling on the past; it’s just a simple observation. Maybe if I had gone to CVH from the start, I wouldn't have needed five different facilities. I believe everything happens for a reason, and my reason was to learn the hard way but my hope is that by sharing my truth, you don’t have to.

Inpatient treatment is there to help YOU. If you don’t focus on the right things from the start, you will continue down the same path. Every relapse gets worse and worse. Use the time to find yourself, learn to love yourself, and make your new life happen.

When you are in these facilities, focus on YOU:

• Find your identity: Who are you sober? Who are you without the drugs?

• Find your purpose: What do you want from your life currently? What do you want to happen from here?

• Do the work: Take the time to heal, move on, and focus on your mental health. Pay attention to everything they are teaching you.